Rodney Dangerfield
» Age and Aging » “I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”
» Children » “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
» Confession » “I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.”
» Food and Eating » “I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
» Jealousy » “My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.”
» Marriage » “My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.”
» Marriage » “My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!”
» Respectability » “I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.”
